dear future me,
i’d like you to remember when you were struggling to reach the day’s end. perhaps the thought of him still hindered from letting you get to where you needed to go, but you lasted one year without him. you lasted one year without anyone there and you helped yourself. there is no longer evidence that you are dependent on him, emotionally or financially or physically.
you loved him but that did not mean he did not abuse you. he loved you but it did not mean he did not hurt you. maybe you’ll still flinch at the scent of alcohol from time to time but he’s not going to be there anymore. i’m sure you’ll miss him and i’m sure that you’d still have breakdowns in the middle of the night where he will no longer come to your rescue.
but that is fine. you did well on your own. maybe one day you will muster the courage to throw his letters away. do not think that feeling anger and hatred for this world isn’t alright. he’s taught you so much and if you loved him, you’d realise the importance of what he’s told you before he lost himself, too. he wanted you to pick yourself back up together and he’s shown you that this matter of life and death is not as simple as you thought it’d be.
you have scars all over you and you’ve given up and you’ve tried to take your life before. this man has impacted you so greatly that your life just wouldn’t be the same had he not followed and stayed by your side. perhaps it was just an unfortunate turn of circumstances that he could not help himself, too. two broken people were never a good fit for each other.
forgive him and move on. he has helped you once and you loved him and the both of you were happy. you’d still feel like you need him to be there, to kiss you when you are sad and tell you you’re beautiful when you’re not. but you don’t. he’s gone now and you can never retrieve him. he’s hurt you over and over and beat you up and neglected you but it doesn’t mean he didn’t love and care and lived for you before his past got the upper hand. this does not mean you will let life do what he has did to you, either. if not for yourself, do it for him and all the things he’s lost.
wake from your bed and discover the sun again.
elliott would have been proud of you.
dmandstuff: Dear future me,